Knocked Up Celebs

When a couple finds out they are pregnant it seems that everyone only focuses on the mother to be. But what about the father? They must have so many questions and concerns too. But most of the time they sit around in silence and just ride with tide. I have a friend, Chris Illuminati, and he is an expectant father. I thought I would do an interview with him just so people could find out what the dad thinks in all this mess .. I mean the greatest time of their lives.

What is your favorite side effect of your wife’s pregnancy? I’m not sure it’s a side effect but I love that the pregnancy is a Get Out of Jail Free card for social obligations. No one can argue when a pregnant woman doesn’t want to leave her house. Mr. President I’d love to come for dinner but the wife is feeling gassy and doesn’t want to get out of her PJ’s. Some other time?

What is your least favorite side effect of your wife’s pregnancy? She has trouble sleeping. She never had trouble sleeping. Now she is up all odd hours. To make matters worse, after years of insomnia, I’m suddenly sleeping like a log. She will sometimes wake me up to let me know she is having trouble sleeping. What I’m supposed to do with this information I’m not quite sure.

How many sympathy pounds have you gained? They shouldn’t be called sympathy pounds. That makes it sound like men feel bad and put out weight out of sympathy. It should be called expectancy pounds, as in, she expects me to eat when she wants and what she wants. Therefore, my stomach is the size of a Prius. Actually, only like five pounds.

Have you had any side effects from the pregnancy? Yeah, it’s the weirdest thing, every once in a while I’ll scream “HOLY **** I’M GOING TO BE A DAD!”. I never used to do that.

How do you think you will be as a father? According to everyone in the world I’ll be a great dad. I think I will be a good dad but I’m going to spoil the kids. That is never good. I can’t say no. Especially when it comes to toys. Christ, I CAN’T RESIST TOY SHOPPING how the h**l can I say no if the kid’s want to go.

What are you hoping for a boy or a girl? I just [keep] saying I wanted a healthy and happy child. I’m a liar I [want] a boy in the worst way.

Have you been to the childbirth classes? Not yet. I think they will be fun. Can I bring a date though?

Read more of Chris’ interview after the jump….

Have you read any great books on becoming a father? No. They all suck. So I’m writing my own.

Have you done any baby proofing of the house? Yes. All of my comics and collectibles are in a safe location.

Have you come to terms with the sleep you won’t be getting after the baby is born? Like I said, I used to be an insomniac. I think it’s easily something I can slip back into over time. I like being awake when the world sleeps. Makes it easier to rob people.

How do you think life will change after the baby comes? I won’t have as much free time. If I do, I’ll want to spend it with the kid. I’ll also have to watch the things I say out loud. I can’t have him walking around calling people a**hats. At least not until preschool.

Have you went to any of the doctor’s appointments with your wife? How did you prepare? I’ve gone to them all. Every checkup and every ultrasound. I find them fascinating because it’s so much different than when a man goes to the doctor. We’ve got those stir-up chairs but we sit in them the opposite way. Prostate has a clean bill of health.

Has your wife had any weird cravings? Honestly, not really. I think she is having more of an issue with craving the foods she CAN’T have like raw sushi and a tuna fish. I think after the baby is born is going to double fist a Yummi Yummi roll and tuna melt then wash it down with a Cabernet.

So far has there been anything that has surprised you in pregnancy in general? Heartburn. She constantly has heartburn. I never knew that was a side-effect of pregnancy. I figured throwing up and a general hangover feeling but she is single-handly keeping the Tums people in the black.

What will you miss the most about your wife being pregnant after the baby is born? Her pregnancy pants. Those things are comfortable.

I have to give special thanks to Chris who put up with my silly questions that probably every woman that has been pregnant has ever wanted to ask. Congratulations goes out to him and his wife. I can’t wait to find out the babies name. (If you name the boy or girl Taylor I wouldn’t mind at all.)

(Chris Illuminati is a freelance writer and future father.  He is the coauthor of The A**holeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way - and Getting Away with itand a regular contributor to sites like Ask Men and Asylum. You can find out more about him at http://www.chrisilluminati.com.)

Photo Source: Moca Mobile

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