Knocked Up Celebs

You may know Teresa Strasser from the TLC show, While You Were Out, or from the Adam Carolla radio show she does in the morning. I got a chance to talk to her the other day when she pointed me in the direction of her pregnancy blog, Exploiting My Baby. Teresa takes a look at the funny side of pregnancy all while airing her fears of becoming a parent. I laughed so much while reading it and wished that this blog was around when I was pregnant.

I asked her if she would be willing to answer some of the pregnancy questions, since she is six months along and almost finished, I had and she could answer them. I know every pregnant woman needs a good laugh now and then, and I know Teresa can help with that. So here is our question and answer session.

On what surprised her the most about her pregnancy: How much I felt like a sit-com, which is to say: predictable and unfunny. I did all the things you might expect to see on the lamest show - stand in front of the fridge eating pickles and hunks of cheese and ice cream, complain about being fat, cry when I had to buy extra large panties. Speaking of which, I was really shocked at going from an A cup to a C cup in just the first four months, but what isn’t so glamorous is the upgrade in panty size. No matter how you slice it, extra large panties are hard to embrace. On the positive side - and people who talk about their great sex lives usually disgust me, but I do this for the other girls thinking about conceiving - pregnant sex has been shockingly good. No one told me about this side effect. My doctor says it has to do with increased pelvic blood flow and hormones. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t feel pretty, but once you get over the initial “I can barely breath and I’m huge” resistance, it is crazy, crazy, insane good. Seriously, it’s the only thing I’m going to miss about being pregnant.

On her favorite symptom of pregnancy (meaning what she really hated): I never had heart burn before in my life. Early on in pregnancy, I thought “what is this burning sensation right around my heart?” Oh … this must be the heart burn I’ve been hearing so much about. I have had that all along, which some say is common when you’re carrying a boy. I’ve gone through a few bottles of Cherry Mylanta, and I like to chug it right out of the bottle, cause it makes me feel like a real bad–s. So far, I must say it does nothing, and neither does Zantac, but I like to feel proactive. Still, all in all, heartburn is relatively painless, so I feel like I shouldn’t complain about it, but I guess it’s too late now to sound gracious and long-suffering.

On her weirdest cravings: During my first trimester, I needed orange juice every day. I wanted anything with vinegar or that was tart-tasting. The strangest craving I had was for a giant, frosty glass of Guinness Beer, which I never drank before. Suddenly, all I could think about was eating some salty French Fries and downing a thick, stout beer in the heat of the mid-afternoon. I can’t explain this, although some people in Ireland regard stout beer as health food, because it’s supposed to have extra iron. I didn’t give it, because I was so paranoid about alcohol during my first trimester, but my husband bought me some O’Doul’s Amber, which has very little alcohol, and I helped myself to a few sips. Oddly enough, it was pretty satisfying. I also can’t get enough ice cream sandwiches, bagels with cream cheese and tomato and those chewable chocolate vitamins. It’s a good way to feel good about eating candy, those chocolate vitamins. Genius. Is it bad to eat seven a day? It’s for the baby.

For more answers…

On the weight she has gained: Yeah. Suddenly, every time I see a photo of a pregnant celebrity, all I notice are her thin arms, which I regard with both awe and bitter envy. This is not the case with me. I gained 18 pounds my first trimester, which I still can’t explain except to say that I’ve never felt a hunger like that in my life. I would fall asleep with a half-eaten banana in my hand, wake up in the middle of the night, finish the banana, and sit in the tub with a yogurt and a tub of frozen grapes until I could fall back asleep. I was so starving, I would eat breakfast and ten minutes later, forget that I had eaten and pour myself a fat bowl of cereal. And let’s face it, this is all pretty new and scary for me, and when I face life challenges, I like to do so with my feet on the ground and my hand firmly clutching a pizza crust. Cheese isn’t love and security and certainty and comfort, but it’s close. Especially smoked Gouda.

On how her husband is dealing with the pregnancy thing: Speaking of cheese, prepare for this cheesiness. I’ve only been married a year, and this experience has made me fall so deeply in love with my husband. He has been to every doctor’s appointment, rearranges my pillows in the middle of the night when I can’t breathe, lets me use his t-shirt as a Kleenex when I start to panic and weep, makes sure I have all the foods I crave and never gets annoyed when I wake him up to whine. I knew he would make a great father when I married him, but it almost makes my heart burst to think about our boy, and how he will have parents who truly want and love him.

On what scares her most about her labor: That’s easy. The unkindest cut of all : episiotomy. I am so scared. I keep hearing different things - tearing is good, cutting is good, I have no idea. The idea of someone cutting and sewing the girl parts is terrifying. On a deeper level, or course, I’m nervous that something will go wrong, or that it will just be unbearably painful. This is why I have a mantra: Britney Spears did it. Twice. So how hard can it be?

I am sure that Teresa will have no problems during her labor. I hope she’ll keep us posted for the last couple of months because she has me hooked. Don’t forget to check out her blog, many laughs will ensue.

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